The Never Ending Story...Continued...

Where to begin?

Well, with much disappointment, we got some news yesterday that changed our plans with the old farm house.

As I stood in the living room talking to the owner, a few things came up that hadn't in previous conversation. Namely the fact that the property is set to be sold on an as-of-yet undetermined date, but likely within the next 6 months to a year.

I had decided that I could get past the shortcomings of the house itself in exchange for the setting and the savings, but I can't come to terms with the idea of uprooting my family AGAIN as soon as 6 months from now.

Which got me thinking...how many places have we seen as a family. So, here for your enjoyment-slash-scrutinizing; the list of Shepherd households from the date Sarah and I got married:

March 2005 - Sarah moved into my apartment after my wedding
April 2005 - Sarah and I lived a short stint at my mom's in preparation for moving to Georgia
May 2005 - Powder Springs, GA: a small 3 bedroom house that had ants living in the joist space between the basement and the main floor (if you left a crumb on the carpet, it was consumed by ants within minutes)
October 2005 - Canton, GA: a new build for a good price. 4 bedrooms on a tiny lot (measured approximately 8 feet from my back door to the drop-off that was the property line)
August 2006 - Canton, GA: small, 2 bedroom, second floor apartment where I eventually got about a dozen teenagers arrested for throwing a loud, drunk, pot-smoking party above me....every weekend
August 2007 - After living at a residence for a FULL YEAR, we decided to head back to Texas so I could go back to school and so our boys could get to know my side of the family...we lived at mom's while I looked for a job and a place to live
September 2007 - Greeville, TX: a quaint little 3 bedroom house on historic Park Street
March 2008 - Back to Georgia...stayed with Sarah's dad and stepmom while we looked for our own place...yet again
April 2008 - Woodstock, GA: moved into a two bedroom apartment where Sarah and I slept on the sofa-bed in the living room because the boys' sleeping patterns were so different
October 2008 - Woodstock, GA: moved into our current third floor, 3 bedroom apartment so we could have our own room and to get away from all the creeps that hung out outside our front windows almost every night

Man...after actually writing that down for the first time, I finally realize how pathetic it is. I've grown so weary of moving over and over and over...and now I understand why.

As Sarah and I search out our next place, I can only hope that it will be with some kind of permanence and security where my boys can grow up and grow accustomed to the place. The smell of the grass, unique to our neighborhood. The curves of the road (I remember growing up that, if I fell asleep in the car ride home, I would sometimes wake up because even my body developed a sort of memory of the dips, curves, and speed patterns as we approached our driveway). The creaks in that particular floor space. That they would be able to find their way around the house even when the lights are out because they've walked the path so often that it's become second nature.

And so it goes. The never ending search for permanence begins with the next new thing...

The Never Ending Story

Its a beautiful Saturday afternoon at the Shepherd household. The boys are napping and I am trying to relax after a week of running like crazy at work.

It seems like the same old story for me. Nothing ever changes. We're discontented by where we live, how we live, and the general state of things. Looking out the window of my third floor apartment, I gaze over all the cars that seem to never move and wonder why I feel like I have to keep up with the Joneses when the truth of the matter is, my car sits still 90% of the time.

I can't stand the climb up three flights of stairs every day, but I can't find a more suitable place that I can afford to live in. Right now we're looking at the potential to move into a house that is situated on the edge of a horse farm. While the home isn't much to look at and is certainly not what I envision raising my boys in, it does offer some sentiment that is undeniably unique.

As I pulled up into the dirt-slash-gravel drive, I first noted that there was no garage. My first notion was...well...this is lame. But then, I have no garage here at my apartment complex either, so why is it that big of a deal? But when I stepped out of the car, the fragrace overwhelmed me. Something about it brought me home. The scent of unspoiled grass and wilderness with the slight aroma of horse "fertilizer" struck me instantly and reminded me of Nonni's place back in Texas (for those who don't know, "Nonni" is the name my mom adopted for herself when she first became a grandmother). In that moment, I can honestly say I felt like I was home.

As I walked in the front door, the professional remodeler inside me started immediately pointing things out that needed changing. Tiny kitchen. Wood paneling...everywhere. Inefficient windows. Outdated fixtures and appliances. This house, as it is, is in desperate need of a makeover. At least that's what I kept telling myself. I walked past the three bedrooms and two bathrooms into a huge family room on the back of the house. In my mind began the formation of a game room with a pool table at one end and a poker table at the other with a big tv hanging on the wall somewhere in between.

For some reason, though, I kept telling myself, "There's so much to do here. It'll take so much work for me to be happy in this house". The simple truth is, that's not true at all. If I can step past my pre-conceived notions on what a house is supposed to look like on the inside, I can make this house a home.

I walked out the door with the boys in tow and suddenly they blew by me like the bumble bees circling overhead. They had spotted adventure in the half acre or so that we were standing on and they were seeking it out. They were home.

I kept telling myself not to get attached. Why? They love it here! Its close to where I work and where Sarah works, but still removed from the crazy, busy traffic that is Acworth, Georgia. I could see myself turning this beat up, old "handy-man" special into a beautiful, quaint cottage with just some materials and time. Sarah fell in love with it as quickly as the boys did. The rent is significantly less than what I pay now. The owner-slash-landlord is the chairman of deacons at my church and he lives just around the corner. The setting is serene. I begin to think, "I could like it here".

So why not? The discussions are in the works, and we should know in a couple of days if we'll be moving again. But not to another temporary dwelling...this time, to a "home".

Another Year Behind...What New Adventure Lies Ahead?

So today I turned 26. I jokingly tell people that I'm now "almost 30" because the next milestone for me is the big 3-0. In retrospect, all the other milestones carry something truly significant to one's life...but what do I have to look forward to now but getting older?

Age 1 - big deal because it's your FIRST BIRTHDAY EVER
Age 5 - most people start school
Age 10 - your double digits now, boy!
Age 13 - officially a teenager...
Age 16 - hand over the keys mom, I'm goin' cruisin' in the minivan!
Age 18 - smokes, porn, and the armed forces...they kinda seem to all go hand in hand
Age 21 - finally buying suds...legally
Age 25 - get a little brake on your car insurance (assuming you're a good driver)

But what now? Everything from here out is just a milestone of getting older. I guess 30 could be the age of a midlife crisis. But then, what exactly is that? You go pretend to be younger and hipper than you actually are because you realize you're losing grip with your youth! 40 is the big "over the hill" year because you've accepted that you're probably now closer to the year of your death than the year of your birth.

But in the end, I don't think it's our age that defines who we are. Rather, it's what we do with the time the Lord gives us that will be our legacy. Nobody is going to remember my crazy 21st birthday gig once we're all dead and gone. But those we leave behind will (hopefully) have great and inspiring memories of who we were and the impact we made in the world.

I am just beginning to taste what life as a dad has in store for me. My boys are rowdy and rambunctious when they get rowled up. But they're also sweet and compassionate and deliberately lovable when they wind down. The recent incident with Ian and his stitches has made me a little bit anxious about what the future holds for them, but I can't wait to be there to experience it all. Its a right of passage for boys.

Just as the scars we bare on our flesh remind us where we've been and how to not make that mistake again...or at least to be more careful, the emotional scars we keep hidden help guide us to be better people. And I think that the Lord allows us to get bruised up and cut up from time to time so that we can also remember who it is that picks us up when we fall, and who it is that mends our wounded hearts.

I know there will be terrific and terrifying adventures ahead, and that those will now be the milestones of my life. Maybe that's what its about when you cross the "25 threshold". Maybe my life has finally begun. And to those adventures ahead...I say, "bring it on"...

A Work in Progress...

So this is the new craze as I understand it. Unlike social networking in that you don't really have a way to immediately connect with anyone and everyone you've ever met through the course of your life. But similar in that it allows you, the reader, to get a more intimate glimpse into the goings-on of my life at your leisure.

So I've decided that this would be the new avenue for you, my friends and family, to get to see a side of me that normally isn't put out there for all the world to see. From here, you will have access to view and critique my photography as I begin to devote more time to it.

You'll also get to see more of the important, as well as perhaps less significant moments in my life and that of my family (without all the chaos that comes from social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook).

I'm kind of new to this whole blogging thing, so please bare with me as we begin this journey together.

More to come soon...but for now, I've got to hit the sack...